Trying to teach my children kindness and compassion in today's world has been exceedingly difficult. I look around and find a serious lack of kindness or compassion which is disheartening and saddening. It was pointed out to me that I might be more on the defensive in the way I view how people react in situations given that I have a child with special needs and see how he is treated by people in a dismissive and negative way, which encourages my continuing lack of faith in people.
In our household, we encourage our children to accept people for exactly who they are. We discourage any form of bullying and encourage respect, compassion and kindness. We remind our children that everyone is different and that is a good thing. Everyone has a different perspective, opinion and ideas which can provide information that you might not have known otherwise. We push for them to stand up for their friends, invite everybody to play and not to follow others but think for themselves.
In the same conversation where I was told that I might be defensive, I was told that I was burdening Chickadee because it seems I am forcing her to be protective of her Autistic brother and ideals that are beyond her comprehension at age 7. I have several thoughts on this that I didn't get a chance to eloquently reply with at the time. First and foremost, I believe that it is never a burden to be a good person, honestly how could it be. I reinforce kindness and compassion for all people not just her brother. It takes just as much effort to be kind and compassionate as it does to be rude, disrespectful and hateful. There is not a time that I would ever let my children treat people that way and let them get away with it because children are not born knowing right from wrong or good from bad. It is my job as their parent to teach them how to treat people and I take that very seriously. Second, I do not expect her to fight her brother's battles and this is for several reasons. First, this would suggest that he isn't capable of standing up for himself which is not the case at all. Autistic people are perfectly capable of voicing their opinions, standing up for themselves and providing people with open and informative discussions. Autism my make them different but it does not make them incapable. Another is to suggest that we are expecting more from her than is capable at age 7. We have told her that if she sees people being mean to others that she can tell them to stop or go get an adult to help with the situation. Reinforcing the idea that she is capable of standing up for herself, her brother and her friends and that adults are there to help. We want her to be strong and capable which does not happen over night. In order for the lesson to stick, we need to reinforce this idea continuously until we no longer need to remind them. It is never to early to start teaching children kindness or compassion and never to late to show it or express it. I think people do not given children enough credit with their capabilities of understanding and observing.
In today's world with the pandemic, protests, politics and basically everything falling down around us, it seems that kindness and compassion are needed so much more. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are dismissive and negative. I have seen so much name calling, and horrendous written comments and people treating each other just horribly. I have seen people throw hateful words towards others for having a difference of opinion. How is it possible to have an open, honest, respectful conversation with someone if you are going to dismiss them because they don't believe absolutely everything you do? How is it fair or reasonable to encourage differences as long as they are the ones that you approve of? How is it 2020 and we still have to discuss that everybody is different or how to have an actual conversation? I honestly believe that kindness, compassion and love are the most powerful things in the entire world (an idea that I share with my children constantly) and it can change the world but we can't make changes if we can't have a conversation. When talking to someone who doesn't carry your same beliefs or opinions, ask yourself if you are really listening to them when they talk. Do you honestly understand where they are coming from or are you dismissing them for not believing exactly what you believe? What was the last real conversation you had?
I try to have as honest conversations as I can while listening and being respectful. In order to maintain my open mindedness, I have made changes on my social media feeds to provide more kindness and acceptance for me to view daily. I follow the Body Image Movement, Returning the Favor and other positive messages to fill my feed with things that bring me joy and happiness because if I am happy it is easier to exude kindness and compassion for me. I am open to differences of opinions, beliefs and values so you can be honest with me...Am I being to harsh on people and society? Is there more kindness and compassion? Do you think I am burdening my children? How do you teach your children about compassion and kindness? What do you do to show kindness, compassion and understanding?
Although the ride maybe bumpy and filled with many twists and turns, I will just continue on this journey of an everyday mom...
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