During all of the uncertainty of today's world, it seems that the role of a parent has completely changed in the recent weeks and the need for interaction and support has multiplied. With the kids home from school, stores closed and many people's jobs uncertain and a virus running rampant across the world, fear and frustration are clearly emotions people are dealing with daily. Isolation is a necessity right now, making human connection much more precious. Everyday life has completely changed and this change is not an easy thing to deal with. It is completely understandable to be afraid, frustrated, stressed or uncertain.
Hubby and I are considered essential employees based on the work we do with governmental and health care customers. Hubby is working from home and pulling triple duty by taking care of the kids and the shopping and things around the house while working. I have been unfortunately sick for a little over a week and am finally feeling better (my fever has broken and I am no longer experiencing any symptoms of the cold I had), moved out of isolation (I was quarantined away from the kids and hubby to make sure they don't get sick) and back to work (I have to go in). It has been a crazy couple of weeks (following a crazy few months, the beginning of 2020 has not been very kind) but we are pulling through. I have to admit with the kids being home, the mom guilt is kicking in big time but that is a blog post for another time. Mostly the feelings of stress and being completely overwhelmed have run Hubby and I a little ragged. So if you are feeling any of this, that is completely normal. If the kids are driving you a little insane (or a lot) that is completely normal.
I watched a very helpful video from a life coach (Kemi Nekvapil) the other day that gave great advice for what to do to help with the feelings that are so prevalent (THANK YOU RESET SUMMIT from the Body Image Movement you should check it out https://bodyimagemovement.com/resources/the-reset-summit/). If you notice yourself being overwhelmed, angry, scared, stressed...stop take a breath and ask yourself what do I need right now and how do I get it? Is it a time out for a couple minutes, comfort food, watching something that will make you laugh or calling someone that is supportive in ways you need. Whatever it is let yourself have what you need. Realize that there is only so much that you can do. If you are providing those you love with what they need for support and taking care of yourself then that is the best thing you could be doing.
Another thing that she mentioned was what can you create or build right now? What is something creative that you can do that will bring you joy? Most people feel relaxation and joy by being creative, so by allowing yourself to create during this time is a helpful way to spend some time doing something to make you smile. It's positive energy, happy healing and mind clearing relaxation.
How are you all holding up right now? What are some projects you are working on while being on isolation? Are any of you essential employees (Thank you so much for continuing making it possible for life to continue going and working so hard everyday!!!)? If any of you need help, please reach out. If you are in need of support let me know. If you want someone to understand or just listen I am willing.
Just know that I am right there with you all during these uncertain times and will continue on this journey, struggling through the changes that are what the world is currently...
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Sunday, January 20, 2019
When you question everything...
When you are sitting in the room with the specialist that is giving you a diagnosis for your child, it changes your entire world view. It changes who you are as a person and who you thought you were as a parent. I never truly understood my own strength until I had to become someone else's voice and advocate. I never realized how deeply I could feel about the treatment of other's until I could see it from both sides of the situation. I never thought about how much I wanted to make a change, a difference until I truly realized the world that we are living in. I can only speak to my own views and feelings about being a parent. My family is my entire world and I feel like I can never do enough for them. I constantly feel like I don't tell them I love them enough, that I haven't taught them how to handle situations or haven't taught them to stand up for themselves. I question every decision I make and then feel guilty as though I haven't given it my all. I have massive amounts of mom guilt from working and not being there for every small achievement at school. I sometimes feel like my daughter gets the short end of the stick because of the times we have to cater to our son with special needs. Other times I feel like my son has the short end of the stick because our daughter is a person that demands attention and loves to talk while he sits quietly on the side lines. Then there are the days where I hug them and ask them, you know I love you right and they say yes mom and tell me how much they love me to. There are the days when my special needs son looks at me and says, "Mom I'm happy." There are the days that my daughter looks at me and says, "You are the best mommy in the entire world."
For all the days where I question every decision and feel the mom guilt, I can only say one thing, Thank the heavens for my support. My hubby, the man who gets the kids ready for school every day. The man that is on every field trip, who takes pictures and videos of every performance I can't make it to and who is there being the most amazing father to both our kids. Every person at the school knows who my husband in because he puts in that kind of effort. I am so utterly grateful that he works from home making it possible for me to be outside of the home working. I am even more grateful that he is the kind of father he is because it makes it so much easier knowing and trusting that the kids are in the most wonderful, caring and loving hands other than mine. It is difficult being a special needs parent, there are meetings, IEP's, therapies, conventions, research, offensive people, people who are rude, stare, point...There is just a lot to face, deal with and conquer. I am so utterly grateful to have my hubby by my side. He is such an amazing support system. He is strong and my rock and I definitely don't tell him enough how much everything he does means to me. So hubby you are amazing and I love you more than words can ever express. You are wonderful and an amazing father and husband.
Over the past year we have faced several deaths in the family, changing of jobs, a new school year with all sorts of obstacles and mom guilt galore. There have been long hours, stress, questioning of choices and feeling like I have not done enough for everyone. I have been overwhelmed and hugely locked in my own head while I worked through everything. I am finally coming out the other side and feeling more like me. I do not like feeling out of control and over compensate by kind of shutting everyone out. It happens occasionally and is a horrible flaw that I am trying to get away from. So now that I am out of my head and ready for the new year, new possibilities and putting more of myself out there I am back again to continue sharing my journey of an everyday, emotional mess of a woman and mom...
For all the days where I question every decision and feel the mom guilt, I can only say one thing, Thank the heavens for my support. My hubby, the man who gets the kids ready for school every day. The man that is on every field trip, who takes pictures and videos of every performance I can't make it to and who is there being the most amazing father to both our kids. Every person at the school knows who my husband in because he puts in that kind of effort. I am so utterly grateful that he works from home making it possible for me to be outside of the home working. I am even more grateful that he is the kind of father he is because it makes it so much easier knowing and trusting that the kids are in the most wonderful, caring and loving hands other than mine. It is difficult being a special needs parent, there are meetings, IEP's, therapies, conventions, research, offensive people, people who are rude, stare, point...There is just a lot to face, deal with and conquer. I am so utterly grateful to have my hubby by my side. He is such an amazing support system. He is strong and my rock and I definitely don't tell him enough how much everything he does means to me. So hubby you are amazing and I love you more than words can ever express. You are wonderful and an amazing father and husband.
Over the past year we have faced several deaths in the family, changing of jobs, a new school year with all sorts of obstacles and mom guilt galore. There have been long hours, stress, questioning of choices and feeling like I have not done enough for everyone. I have been overwhelmed and hugely locked in my own head while I worked through everything. I am finally coming out the other side and feeling more like me. I do not like feeling out of control and over compensate by kind of shutting everyone out. It happens occasionally and is a horrible flaw that I am trying to get away from. So now that I am out of my head and ready for the new year, new possibilities and putting more of myself out there I am back again to continue sharing my journey of an everyday, emotional mess of a woman and mom...
Monday, July 23, 2018
Curve Balls...
It has been forever since I have been on here and I am so terribly sorry. Life has yet again thrown curve balls in my direction and I have been handling them to the best of my ability, unfortunately that has meant that some things have slipped from my grasp, like being able to to write on here. I have missed this terribly and am hoping that after the next month things will slow down enough around here to give this blog some much needed attention. Until then, I'll just let you know about the most recent round of curve balls that were thrown my way.
I explained in my last blog post that I had recently changed jobs. I had started in a completely new area of a company than what I had previously experienced. I started in accounting with some amazing and funny women. The two women that I began working with are so much fun that it has made work fun to go to. It was less stressful for me and consisted of mostly paper pushing and data entry which kept me completely busy every day. Unfortunately for me, the stress free time did not last. I must say that I love learning and expanding my knowledge. I was approached by the general manager to help with an upcoming Aerospace audit that the company was having. I'm not sure how much you all know about manufacturing and Aerospace standards, but to go from mostly commercial work to Aerospace work is a very time consuming and extensive transition. When my general manager approached me, there was roughly a month prior to the audit. Now my previous job was with a company that held a majority of aerospace and defense customers, so I had some knowledge of aerospace standards and requirements. Unfortunately, the aerospace standard had recently been updated and we had to go through a complete and thorough audit this time around. While attempting to help the company with this transition and keeping up to date with all of my accounting duties, it was almost as if I was working two jobs. I brought quite a bit of work home with me daily to update the necessary paperwork for the audit and get up to speed with the changes in the current revision of the standard. They eventually hired someone in to handle the accounting aspects of my job while pulling me full time into production and updating quality standards to meet the Aerospace requirements. Roughly two weeks before the audit, I was informed that my new title would be production manager which is quite surprising to me, since this is mostly a male dominated area of many shops. The men I work for are extremely respectful and appreciate the knowledge that I do have but I feel almost like I have to truly prove my worth. The audit, and all the updates will take me into the middle of August before it is through and then I have to work on maintaining all of the changes we are currently making. It is going to be challenging and time consuming but as I said I love to learn new things. Unfortunately the new hire for the accounting department has not been entirely successful and so I am still helping out with aspects of that department as well. It has been difficult and stressful to say the least. But this is only the first curve ball...
The next curve ball, was heartbreaking...My husband's grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. She was definitely another grandmother to me and was an amazing great grandmother to our children. Hubby loved her like another mother since she helped raise him for several years and was extremely close to her. It has been heartbreaking for him to lose her. That women was strong and funny. She loved to laugh and whenever the whole family got together it was literally nights filled with laughter. I love her very much and miss her terribly. We have been trying to help with all the necessities like cleaning out her apartment and helping with the memorial (Hubby has made an incredible slide show that made me cry). It has been difficult since it was a sudden and unexpected loss that has happened following other unexpected losses We have had months of sadness and aching hearts. Between our cat, my husband's grandfather on his dad's side, my uncle on my dad's side and now Hubby's grandma on his mom's side, it has been an extremely rough six months.
This leads to my next curve ball...Explaining death to my children has not been an easy task. Trying to help them understand this type of loss and helping them grieve is complicated and rough. Hoping to have the right words for them to understand such a vast topic while creating a way for them to work through it has been one of the toughest things I have done. I felt like I didn't have enough words, or the right words. It is hard to explain something when it is hard for me, the parent, to grasp. If you are curious how I explained this to my children, message me and I will gladly share with you what I shared with them. I don't want to go into detail here because we all have different beliefs and views which are your own. This has been one of those times where I'm not sure that I haven't failed in this parenting gig. I mean having to explain death to your children is always hard and I wonder if I should have tried to shield them from it more but how can I do that when they won't ever see their GG again? How to explain it? How much to explain? How to help them understand that the doctors couldn't do anything even though they are supposed to help people who are sick? How in depth should I go? How much of my beliefs do I share? How much do I want them to explore and discover on their own when they are older? It has been a series of never ending questions and then second guessing myself every time I explained anything. If any of you have had to explain, how did you do it?
So dealing with all of these curve balls, grieving, stress and questioning everything has left me worn out and run down. I am hoping once work slows down and we get past the memorial that I can get back to sharing more with all of you. Please feel free to share anything with me. What have you all been up? What curve balls have been thrown your way recently?
Until next time, I am just going to keep working through this journey...
I explained in my last blog post that I had recently changed jobs. I had started in a completely new area of a company than what I had previously experienced. I started in accounting with some amazing and funny women. The two women that I began working with are so much fun that it has made work fun to go to. It was less stressful for me and consisted of mostly paper pushing and data entry which kept me completely busy every day. Unfortunately for me, the stress free time did not last. I must say that I love learning and expanding my knowledge. I was approached by the general manager to help with an upcoming Aerospace audit that the company was having. I'm not sure how much you all know about manufacturing and Aerospace standards, but to go from mostly commercial work to Aerospace work is a very time consuming and extensive transition. When my general manager approached me, there was roughly a month prior to the audit. Now my previous job was with a company that held a majority of aerospace and defense customers, so I had some knowledge of aerospace standards and requirements. Unfortunately, the aerospace standard had recently been updated and we had to go through a complete and thorough audit this time around. While attempting to help the company with this transition and keeping up to date with all of my accounting duties, it was almost as if I was working two jobs. I brought quite a bit of work home with me daily to update the necessary paperwork for the audit and get up to speed with the changes in the current revision of the standard. They eventually hired someone in to handle the accounting aspects of my job while pulling me full time into production and updating quality standards to meet the Aerospace requirements. Roughly two weeks before the audit, I was informed that my new title would be production manager which is quite surprising to me, since this is mostly a male dominated area of many shops. The men I work for are extremely respectful and appreciate the knowledge that I do have but I feel almost like I have to truly prove my worth. The audit, and all the updates will take me into the middle of August before it is through and then I have to work on maintaining all of the changes we are currently making. It is going to be challenging and time consuming but as I said I love to learn new things. Unfortunately the new hire for the accounting department has not been entirely successful and so I am still helping out with aspects of that department as well. It has been difficult and stressful to say the least. But this is only the first curve ball...
The next curve ball, was heartbreaking...My husband's grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. She was definitely another grandmother to me and was an amazing great grandmother to our children. Hubby loved her like another mother since she helped raise him for several years and was extremely close to her. It has been heartbreaking for him to lose her. That women was strong and funny. She loved to laugh and whenever the whole family got together it was literally nights filled with laughter. I love her very much and miss her terribly. We have been trying to help with all the necessities like cleaning out her apartment and helping with the memorial (Hubby has made an incredible slide show that made me cry). It has been difficult since it was a sudden and unexpected loss that has happened following other unexpected losses We have had months of sadness and aching hearts. Between our cat, my husband's grandfather on his dad's side, my uncle on my dad's side and now Hubby's grandma on his mom's side, it has been an extremely rough six months.
This leads to my next curve ball...Explaining death to my children has not been an easy task. Trying to help them understand this type of loss and helping them grieve is complicated and rough. Hoping to have the right words for them to understand such a vast topic while creating a way for them to work through it has been one of the toughest things I have done. I felt like I didn't have enough words, or the right words. It is hard to explain something when it is hard for me, the parent, to grasp. If you are curious how I explained this to my children, message me and I will gladly share with you what I shared with them. I don't want to go into detail here because we all have different beliefs and views which are your own. This has been one of those times where I'm not sure that I haven't failed in this parenting gig. I mean having to explain death to your children is always hard and I wonder if I should have tried to shield them from it more but how can I do that when they won't ever see their GG again? How to explain it? How much to explain? How to help them understand that the doctors couldn't do anything even though they are supposed to help people who are sick? How in depth should I go? How much of my beliefs do I share? How much do I want them to explore and discover on their own when they are older? It has been a series of never ending questions and then second guessing myself every time I explained anything. If any of you have had to explain, how did you do it?
So dealing with all of these curve balls, grieving, stress and questioning everything has left me worn out and run down. I am hoping once work slows down and we get past the memorial that I can get back to sharing more with all of you. Please feel free to share anything with me. What have you all been up? What curve balls have been thrown your way recently?
Until next time, I am just going to keep working through this journey...
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Truths...
When you are faced with continuous stress in multiple areas of your life for months it can be very trying and exhausting. It messes with your head, your mood and how you feel. For months, I was irritable, tired, moody and pretty closed off. Now one of my many flaws, is that I don't share the things going on with me until I work them out or I blow a gasket. This is not the healthiest way of dealing with many emotions or stressful situations. I am aware of this and it is one of the many things I am working on about myself. Luckily I have a very supportive husband who lets me vent, cry and snuggle as needed. He is the one person I consistently confide in before anyone else. I did let a couple of my close girlfriends know about what I was dealing with but it was limited and I mostly held radio silence with everyone because frankly I was trying to maintain my strength in myself. What I mean by that is it felt like if I started to open up, the floodgates would pour out and I wasn't ready but I am now so let the flood of info commence...
I know I told you all about the things that happened over the last few months, but I didn't mention that it put me in a funk. I didn't feel like myself. I felt constantly tired and just like I kinda deflated as a person for a little bit. I knew that I needed to get my head back on right. I my new job that I needed three weeks before I started because frankly I needed a break. I couldn't take it all anymore. I needed time home with my family. The most important people in my life, the ones that make me smile and the ones that just put things into perspective for me. Luckily for me, my old job let me go a week early which means that I got two weeks home. Two weeks to breath and not feel like everything was falling apart. During those two weeks, I took time to process everything and do a lot of soul searching.
First, I needed to deal with the intense sadness I felt from the death of my uncle's passing. The first day off was his funeral. As I said in my last post, I felt an intense need to take care of my Nana the entire funeral and witnessing the entire funeral was very soothing to my soul. It also helped that I got to look at him and touch his hand during the viewing. I was one of the last people in the room and so I took a minute to touch his hand. The same one I held all day a week before. It was cold and it made it very clear that he wasn't there anymore. I cried at that moment, but it felt like closure to me. To just know that he wasn't there. I cried during the funeral itself and by the end I felt a sense of peace in regards to his passing. I knew that he had been in a lot of pain and wanting to leave this world. It didn't make it easier for me to say goodbye. Remembering being a source of comfort during that last day with him and a source of strength for my Nana at the funeral, that made me feel better. It reminded me of my inner strength, my ability to listen, comfort and my ability to continuously remember all the wonderful times that I shared with him. After that day it was as if the sadness just left me. I miss and will continue to do so intensely and immensely. But it is not the same as the aching sadness I felt deep inside for the entire week after I was informed of his passing. It also made me appreciate family that much more. To see the way that family gathers, supports, comforts and loves each other is amazing to see and even more wonderful to feel and personally experience. My family was a wonderful support system during this time.
Next, I got to take my kids to school and pick them up everyday for two weeks. It was nice because I often have mom guilt for not being there for those things. My schedule and traffic requires me to leave the house at 4:30 am and I usually don't get home until 4 pm sometimes later. So getting a chance to finally meet my son's one on one aide and hear how his day was, receiving the reports directly and seeing their interactions just made me relax. Hubby usually handles all of this and he gives me the rundown daily of both the kids' days, which I love and appreciate with everything in me. But being able to witness it and participate eased my guilt and gave my children joy and Hubby a much needed break from these daily activities. It made me feel connected again. Just getting to spend all that time with my kids and Hubby gave me a sense of peace and comfort just by living life daily, by focusing on the needs of my family and taking care of them like I hadn't felt I had been doing.It was comforting and all the snuggles just made it that much better. I have to say being reminded of all the love provided by everybody during all these struggles just reinforced the goodness in the world.
Finally I focused on me. I provided myself with a lot of self care and love during this two weeks. First I slept in. After years of getting up every morning at 4 am, sleeping in every day until 630 for two weeks was amazing. It let me get some much needed rest and relaxation. One night after everyone else in the house went to bed, I danced around the house to some of my favorite songs. I also focused on the things that mean something to me. I let myself dream of what I want for the future and how I want to spend my time. I put together a list of the things I want to focus on for myself and then shared it with my husband so we are both on the same page. Plus I want the support of Hubby when I am working on these things. One of the things I want to focus on is writing, it is relaxing and brings me a lot of joy. So hopefully you all will see a lot from in the near future. I also love working with the amazing women of the Body Image Movement and the global ambassadors. They are incredible women who are working towards making global change. Many of them have made careers out of this. They have inspired me to work towards making this full time for myself as well. I am working on a plan of what my strengths are and how to do the most good with them. Let me start by sharing with you a course I took that helped me view myself in a completely different light. If you are struggling with yourself the way that I was, then this course is an excellent and informative step in truly accepting and loving yourself for who you are. This course is called Embrace You and you can check it out at the following link: https://bodyimagemovement.com/embraceyou/?ref=W217 Also if you have not yet watched the Embrace documentary then you should see it!!!! It is currently on Netflix in the U.S. and on ITunes in most other countries. I will use another post to go into more detail about all of this information but the most important thing I can tell you is to know that who you are as a person is amazing. We all deserve to love ourselves and I spent two weeks reminding myself exactly why I love myself.
So if you are still with me, thank you for letting me ramble all of the information that has gone through my mind over the last couple of weeks. Also if you want more information about Embrace, the Embrace You course or the Body Image Movement please let me know. I will gladly share it all with you. Let me know some truths that you have discovered. What experiences made you see what you really want? What are your dreams for the future? What are some ways that you provide yourself with some self love/care? Feel free to share whatever you want with me, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings. Until next time I will just keep dreaming through this journey of an everyday mom.
I know I told you all about the things that happened over the last few months, but I didn't mention that it put me in a funk. I didn't feel like myself. I felt constantly tired and just like I kinda deflated as a person for a little bit. I knew that I needed to get my head back on right. I my new job that I needed three weeks before I started because frankly I needed a break. I couldn't take it all anymore. I needed time home with my family. The most important people in my life, the ones that make me smile and the ones that just put things into perspective for me. Luckily for me, my old job let me go a week early which means that I got two weeks home. Two weeks to breath and not feel like everything was falling apart. During those two weeks, I took time to process everything and do a lot of soul searching.
First, I needed to deal with the intense sadness I felt from the death of my uncle's passing. The first day off was his funeral. As I said in my last post, I felt an intense need to take care of my Nana the entire funeral and witnessing the entire funeral was very soothing to my soul. It also helped that I got to look at him and touch his hand during the viewing. I was one of the last people in the room and so I took a minute to touch his hand. The same one I held all day a week before. It was cold and it made it very clear that he wasn't there anymore. I cried at that moment, but it felt like closure to me. To just know that he wasn't there. I cried during the funeral itself and by the end I felt a sense of peace in regards to his passing. I knew that he had been in a lot of pain and wanting to leave this world. It didn't make it easier for me to say goodbye. Remembering being a source of comfort during that last day with him and a source of strength for my Nana at the funeral, that made me feel better. It reminded me of my inner strength, my ability to listen, comfort and my ability to continuously remember all the wonderful times that I shared with him. After that day it was as if the sadness just left me. I miss and will continue to do so intensely and immensely. But it is not the same as the aching sadness I felt deep inside for the entire week after I was informed of his passing. It also made me appreciate family that much more. To see the way that family gathers, supports, comforts and loves each other is amazing to see and even more wonderful to feel and personally experience. My family was a wonderful support system during this time.
Next, I got to take my kids to school and pick them up everyday for two weeks. It was nice because I often have mom guilt for not being there for those things. My schedule and traffic requires me to leave the house at 4:30 am and I usually don't get home until 4 pm sometimes later. So getting a chance to finally meet my son's one on one aide and hear how his day was, receiving the reports directly and seeing their interactions just made me relax. Hubby usually handles all of this and he gives me the rundown daily of both the kids' days, which I love and appreciate with everything in me. But being able to witness it and participate eased my guilt and gave my children joy and Hubby a much needed break from these daily activities. It made me feel connected again. Just getting to spend all that time with my kids and Hubby gave me a sense of peace and comfort just by living life daily, by focusing on the needs of my family and taking care of them like I hadn't felt I had been doing.It was comforting and all the snuggles just made it that much better. I have to say being reminded of all the love provided by everybody during all these struggles just reinforced the goodness in the world.
Finally I focused on me. I provided myself with a lot of self care and love during this two weeks. First I slept in. After years of getting up every morning at 4 am, sleeping in every day until 630 for two weeks was amazing. It let me get some much needed rest and relaxation. One night after everyone else in the house went to bed, I danced around the house to some of my favorite songs. I also focused on the things that mean something to me. I let myself dream of what I want for the future and how I want to spend my time. I put together a list of the things I want to focus on for myself and then shared it with my husband so we are both on the same page. Plus I want the support of Hubby when I am working on these things. One of the things I want to focus on is writing, it is relaxing and brings me a lot of joy. So hopefully you all will see a lot from in the near future. I also love working with the amazing women of the Body Image Movement and the global ambassadors. They are incredible women who are working towards making global change. Many of them have made careers out of this. They have inspired me to work towards making this full time for myself as well. I am working on a plan of what my strengths are and how to do the most good with them. Let me start by sharing with you a course I took that helped me view myself in a completely different light. If you are struggling with yourself the way that I was, then this course is an excellent and informative step in truly accepting and loving yourself for who you are. This course is called Embrace You and you can check it out at the following link: https://bodyimagemovement.com/embraceyou/?ref=W217 Also if you have not yet watched the Embrace documentary then you should see it!!!! It is currently on Netflix in the U.S. and on ITunes in most other countries. I will use another post to go into more detail about all of this information but the most important thing I can tell you is to know that who you are as a person is amazing. We all deserve to love ourselves and I spent two weeks reminding myself exactly why I love myself.
So if you are still with me, thank you for letting me ramble all of the information that has gone through my mind over the last couple of weeks. Also if you want more information about Embrace, the Embrace You course or the Body Image Movement please let me know. I will gladly share it all with you. Let me know some truths that you have discovered. What experiences made you see what you really want? What are your dreams for the future? What are some ways that you provide yourself with some self love/care? Feel free to share whatever you want with me, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings. Until next time I will just keep dreaming through this journey of an everyday mom.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Life...
Hello all! So life has been crazy lately and I have been trying to do my best to deal with it to the best of my ability which means that I am only human and have had many ups and downs over the last couple of months. There is so much to share with you and I'm not sure I will get through all of it in one post. Let me start with the crazy and not so great stuff and then in another post I will focus on all the positive that has come out of it for me.
Towards the end of the year, we had several IEP meetings for Bugaboo in regards to getting him a full time, personal one on one aide which we felt was necessary. It took several months, assessments, several meetings but it was finally approved. It took several more weeks before his aide was hired. I don't know how many of you have had IEP meetings but they can take up to several hours depending on the amount of things that need to be discussed. The assessment required several people to come out and observe Bugaboo in class for two months. It was a long but necessary process. The results have been worth it. He adores his aide and there have been positive results that we can see in class. Our school district is amazing and has been very easy to work with not to mention the support from the staff, his teacher and school psychologists has made things tremendously easier for us when going through this process. We also have had a lot of support from Inland Regional Center, who visits in school, is willing to attend the IEP meetings and send us to conferences in regards to IEPs. This alone sent us on some highs and lows but ultimately turned out alright.
Our Christmas this year was very different, you see Hubby's grandfather unexpectedly passed away on Christmas Eve. Hubby spent as much time at the hospital as he could spending time with his grandfather and being supportive of his family that were shocked, sad and heartbroken. I had to explain to my children to the best of my ability that their great grandfather passed away. It is not easy to explain in child friendly terms and it is hard to expect what their reaction would be. My children happened to be much more understanding because I did have to explain this concept previously when we had to put our cat down unexpectedly due to illness. In January, I found out that my great uncle who is like a grandfather to me had only a few days left to live. Now this man was 96 years old, and ornery as no other. I mean at 90 he was still climbing on the roof to fix things. He has had several close calls through out the years but of course we went immediately to visit him. Unfortunately, this time was much different. When we arrived he was no longer able to speak and had very limited responses. Fortunately for me, I was the one he responded to the most that day. I spent the entire day by his bed side, talking to him, holding his hand and telling him how much I love him. As devastating as it was to have to say goodbye, it was quite cathartic to be able to spend that time with him. During his viewing and funeral, I was my nana's support (although there were several people there for her that day) I had an intense need to hold her hand throughout the viewing and funeral itself. Seeing a military service first hand is quite the moving experience, you see my uncle was in the Navy during WWII. To see all the veterans, the union come that he was in for so long and see the church community come out to show their support, offer their help and pay their condolences was a soul soothing experience.
On top of all of this there was some major stress going on at work. The company I worked for was bought and the new owners came in. At first it was a positive experience and I was excited about everything. Unfortunately that changed with the hiring of a new production manager. I was unable to work with him. I had to do several aspects of his job, I'm unsure if he wasn't sure how to do these things or just unwilling but either way I was doing the job of multiple people which was not easy. Add on to this that I started witnessing some unprofessional behavior towards the men who worked in the shop that I could not tolerate. While I won't go into all the details, it became abundantly clear to me that I needed to make a change. I was consistently stressed, unhappy, angry, frustrated and felt completely unheard. So I took a job offer I received and put in my two weeks notice. Now I am going into a completely different role than what I have ever done before, but I am hoping that this new experience is going to be a good change for me.
Oh and I had the stomach flu the entire first week of the new year ugh!!!!
Life has been crazy, thrown me some massive curve balls over the last few months but it has also shown me some amazing truths. I will tell you all about those truths in my next post.
Have any of you dealt with some massive curve balls? When was life craziest for you? Share your stories with me, I would love to hear them.
Until next time, I am going to keep pushing on in this journey of an everyday mom....
Towards the end of the year, we had several IEP meetings for Bugaboo in regards to getting him a full time, personal one on one aide which we felt was necessary. It took several months, assessments, several meetings but it was finally approved. It took several more weeks before his aide was hired. I don't know how many of you have had IEP meetings but they can take up to several hours depending on the amount of things that need to be discussed. The assessment required several people to come out and observe Bugaboo in class for two months. It was a long but necessary process. The results have been worth it. He adores his aide and there have been positive results that we can see in class. Our school district is amazing and has been very easy to work with not to mention the support from the staff, his teacher and school psychologists has made things tremendously easier for us when going through this process. We also have had a lot of support from Inland Regional Center, who visits in school, is willing to attend the IEP meetings and send us to conferences in regards to IEPs. This alone sent us on some highs and lows but ultimately turned out alright.
Our Christmas this year was very different, you see Hubby's grandfather unexpectedly passed away on Christmas Eve. Hubby spent as much time at the hospital as he could spending time with his grandfather and being supportive of his family that were shocked, sad and heartbroken. I had to explain to my children to the best of my ability that their great grandfather passed away. It is not easy to explain in child friendly terms and it is hard to expect what their reaction would be. My children happened to be much more understanding because I did have to explain this concept previously when we had to put our cat down unexpectedly due to illness. In January, I found out that my great uncle who is like a grandfather to me had only a few days left to live. Now this man was 96 years old, and ornery as no other. I mean at 90 he was still climbing on the roof to fix things. He has had several close calls through out the years but of course we went immediately to visit him. Unfortunately, this time was much different. When we arrived he was no longer able to speak and had very limited responses. Fortunately for me, I was the one he responded to the most that day. I spent the entire day by his bed side, talking to him, holding his hand and telling him how much I love him. As devastating as it was to have to say goodbye, it was quite cathartic to be able to spend that time with him. During his viewing and funeral, I was my nana's support (although there were several people there for her that day) I had an intense need to hold her hand throughout the viewing and funeral itself. Seeing a military service first hand is quite the moving experience, you see my uncle was in the Navy during WWII. To see all the veterans, the union come that he was in for so long and see the church community come out to show their support, offer their help and pay their condolences was a soul soothing experience.
On top of all of this there was some major stress going on at work. The company I worked for was bought and the new owners came in. At first it was a positive experience and I was excited about everything. Unfortunately that changed with the hiring of a new production manager. I was unable to work with him. I had to do several aspects of his job, I'm unsure if he wasn't sure how to do these things or just unwilling but either way I was doing the job of multiple people which was not easy. Add on to this that I started witnessing some unprofessional behavior towards the men who worked in the shop that I could not tolerate. While I won't go into all the details, it became abundantly clear to me that I needed to make a change. I was consistently stressed, unhappy, angry, frustrated and felt completely unheard. So I took a job offer I received and put in my two weeks notice. Now I am going into a completely different role than what I have ever done before, but I am hoping that this new experience is going to be a good change for me.
Oh and I had the stomach flu the entire first week of the new year ugh!!!!
Life has been crazy, thrown me some massive curve balls over the last few months but it has also shown me some amazing truths. I will tell you all about those truths in my next post.
Have any of you dealt with some massive curve balls? When was life craziest for you? Share your stories with me, I would love to hear them.
Until next time, I am going to keep pushing on in this journey of an everyday mom....
Friday, November 24, 2017
Happy Thanksgiving...
I hope you all had a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. Let me start this post off with saying how grateful I am for my family and friends. I feel very blessed because of all of the love I feel daily from all of you. I am so appreciative of this life I have been blessed with and I am so glad that I get to learn, experience and grow from the things you teach me. I feel very hopeful, encouraged, excited and inspired for the things going on in my life. I will explain more of all of that in a later post.
This year is the first year I handled the majority of the dinner by myself. I was a little anxious prior to making the meal but luckily everything came together. I made the turkey, stuffing, and apple salad myself. My mom helped me with the gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole once she got here which was nice. For the most part I took care of the majority of dinner and I was extremely impressed with myself. My little chickadee was a huge helper. Although she is only 4, she wanted to be by my side all day long helping out her mommy. So she helped me stir, add in things, stuff the turkey. She even told me that she wants to get a pink and purple apron just for her so when she helps out in the kitchen (if any of you know where I can find one for cheap, cause this momma is not a rich momma, let me know please, I would love to get her one for Christmas!). Now we did have to make some exceptions on food for my Bugaboo, due to his sensitivity with food because of his autism. So we made him some corn dogs because that is something he will actually eat.
Here are some photos of our dinner...
Please excuse the non matching serving dishes :) it was just a family affair after all and nothing is perfect in this household.
Just in case you were wondering about recipes at all let me tell you about the stuff I made.
The turkey, I stuffed with celery, an onion I quartered, a lemon I quartered, carrots and fresh poultry herbs. Then I rubbed some softened butter mixed with fresh poultry herbs on the turkey under the skin and on top of the skin. Then I cooked it in an oven bag at 350 degrees for a little over 3 hours and checked it with a thermometer to make sure it was done.
The stuffing, I started by sauteeing a whole onion, sliced celery (the center pieces with the leaves because the majority of the flavor comes from there), fresh garlic and herbs. Then I cooked up some Jimmy Dean's Hot Breakfast Sausage, diced up an apple and mixed it all with some seasoned bread crumbs. Then I added some broth just until the stuffing held together in my hand if squished a little. I also added some poultry seasoning to it to provide it with more flavor. Then cooked covered for about 40 minutes at 350 degrees and then for another 20 minutes uncovered.
Apple salad is a recipe I got from the Hubby's grandma. It is diced apples, sliced celery, halved grapes, raisins, chopped walnuts and marshmallows. I just added all of these until it felt like a nice mix of the ingredients. Not certain measurements. Then the sauce is mayo mixed with cool whip. This is about a 50/50 mix, but I mostly did it to taste. I tend to like mine slightly sweeter.
What did you all make for Thanksgiving? I would love to hear your recipes. What are you thankful for this year? I would love to hear any of your Thanksgiving day stories.
Until next time I am just going to continue on this exciting journey of an everyday mom...
This year is the first year I handled the majority of the dinner by myself. I was a little anxious prior to making the meal but luckily everything came together. I made the turkey, stuffing, and apple salad myself. My mom helped me with the gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole once she got here which was nice. For the most part I took care of the majority of dinner and I was extremely impressed with myself. My little chickadee was a huge helper. Although she is only 4, she wanted to be by my side all day long helping out her mommy. So she helped me stir, add in things, stuff the turkey. She even told me that she wants to get a pink and purple apron just for her so when she helps out in the kitchen (if any of you know where I can find one for cheap, cause this momma is not a rich momma, let me know please, I would love to get her one for Christmas!). Now we did have to make some exceptions on food for my Bugaboo, due to his sensitivity with food because of his autism. So we made him some corn dogs because that is something he will actually eat.
Here are some photos of our dinner...
Just in case you were wondering about recipes at all let me tell you about the stuff I made.
The turkey, I stuffed with celery, an onion I quartered, a lemon I quartered, carrots and fresh poultry herbs. Then I rubbed some softened butter mixed with fresh poultry herbs on the turkey under the skin and on top of the skin. Then I cooked it in an oven bag at 350 degrees for a little over 3 hours and checked it with a thermometer to make sure it was done.
The stuffing, I started by sauteeing a whole onion, sliced celery (the center pieces with the leaves because the majority of the flavor comes from there), fresh garlic and herbs. Then I cooked up some Jimmy Dean's Hot Breakfast Sausage, diced up an apple and mixed it all with some seasoned bread crumbs. Then I added some broth just until the stuffing held together in my hand if squished a little. I also added some poultry seasoning to it to provide it with more flavor. Then cooked covered for about 40 minutes at 350 degrees and then for another 20 minutes uncovered.
Apple salad is a recipe I got from the Hubby's grandma. It is diced apples, sliced celery, halved grapes, raisins, chopped walnuts and marshmallows. I just added all of these until it felt like a nice mix of the ingredients. Not certain measurements. Then the sauce is mayo mixed with cool whip. This is about a 50/50 mix, but I mostly did it to taste. I tend to like mine slightly sweeter.
What did you all make for Thanksgiving? I would love to hear your recipes. What are you thankful for this year? I would love to hear any of your Thanksgiving day stories.
Until next time I am just going to continue on this exciting journey of an everyday mom...
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Confidence...
I was asked the other day how I have the confidence that I do. This question surprised me for a couple of reasons. One is that for the majority of my adult life, I have not had a lot of confidence. It is not something that has come easy to me at all. Two is that I made the realization myself not long ago that my confidence has gone up a lot and I am pleasantly surprised with how happy I am in my own skin. I know that this is an important conversation for a lot of women to have and I would love to explain it to all of you. It hasn't been easy and it is still a work in progress. I have days where I completely feel insecure, but hey I am only human and no where near perfect. I am going to do my best to explain how I developed this confidence in myself and how I continue to work on it daily.
For me it started with how I looked at the world. When Bugaboo was diagnosed with Autism it shifted the way I view things. I started looking for understanding, kindness and caring. While I have always tried to be the person that smiled at others, said hi and was polite, this shift made it even more important to me. I wanted to show people kindness and I wanted to be an example of this for my children. If I want people to be kind and understanding towards my Autistic son, then I should be that for others as well. It also made me not overly concerned with anything negative someone might say to me. People don't understand my circumstances and their negative comments don't control my life. It became easier for me to ignore negative comments and brush them off. Now I am not saying it takes a shift in your entire world to be confident or recognize the wonderful person you are, this is just what happened for me.
What helped me next was watching the documentary Embrace. If you have not watched this movie yet, please do. I would love to share it with as many of you as possible. Let me know and I would love to set up a screening of it for as many of you that would love to watch it. This movie was eye opening. Taryn Brumfitt is incredible as well as all of the amazing women that are in this film. It made me look into the way society views women, their bodies and society's ideal of beauty. It also made me aware of how I look at myself and how I want my daughter to view herself. Please check out all of the information about the Body Image Movement https://bodyimagemovement.com/.
I thought about all the wonderful things I have done and am capable of. I looked inside myself and found the things I love about who I am as a person. I asked myself what do I love about me. I am strong, caring, kind, loving and understanding. I am loyal, trustworthy and smart. These are the things that make me who I am. Start there. What do you love about who you are as a person? Because all of you are incredible people. Remember that who you are, what you think and what you are capable of is not defined by what you look like. This is not something we think about often because society tends to focus on what women look like as if that is the most important thing about them which I think is completely ridiculous. Once you recognize yourself for the person that you are, it makes it so much easier to recognize the beauty on the outside as well. Think about the things your body is capable of. Think about the love you share just by using your body. Think about the things you do each day using your body. Think about the way you can accomplish your dreams, you care for your children, your significant other, the things you do everyday using your body. How can anything that can do so much be anything other than beautiful and wonderful?
Every woman is different, looks different because we are all incredibly unique and that in itself is wonderful. Look at yourself in the mirror and think about all of those things that make you who you are. Think about the way that you show that, you might be amazed by what you see. Start with one thing that you love about your body. Find the one thing that makes you feel good about yourself. I have always loved my hair so I started with that. Then I slowly started to look at the rest of my body and focused on why and how I have used it. Once I recognized what my body could do, I focused on how amazing that is. It makes it so much easier to stand in the mirror and look at myself to see the person I am and want to make myself stand out and be proud of who I am.
The hardest part is getting beyond all of the negative thoughts that happen inside your head. The truth is that we are always our harshest critics. It is so much easier to focus on the things that we failed at during the day than the amazing things we accomplished. It is easier to look in the mirror and see all the negatives. Once that negative voice pops up in my head, I immediately recognize it and freeze. When it started if I looked in the mirror, I walked away to focus on something else because that negative voice is never going to help me. It doesn't change who I am at my core, it just makes me feel crappy about myself. So, I stop what I am doing and do something that I love. I personally love music and dancing. I turn music up super loud and dance in the car, around the house, in a chair and sing the song at the top of my lungs. It makes everything a little better in my world. It helps when my kids join in my happiness and dance with me around the house. Find something that you enjoy, that takes you out of your head. Find something that makes you feel joy and happiness and do that until that voice disappears. Make sure to recognize what it is, that you are realizing you are being unfair to yourself and that it is not helping you.
As I said, this a lot of work. It is not overnight. It takes time and understanding. I still work at it. I remind myself who I am, what I am capable of and why that means I deserve as much love as I give.
Please remember that you are all incredible. Let me know if you would like to discuss any of this further or if you would like to watch the Embrace Documentary with me. I would love to hear what you love about who you are as a person and if you need any help knowing what that is I will happily remind you.
Until next time, I will just continue on this Journey of an everyday mom building my confidence and recognizing the awesomeness that is me :)...
For me it started with how I looked at the world. When Bugaboo was diagnosed with Autism it shifted the way I view things. I started looking for understanding, kindness and caring. While I have always tried to be the person that smiled at others, said hi and was polite, this shift made it even more important to me. I wanted to show people kindness and I wanted to be an example of this for my children. If I want people to be kind and understanding towards my Autistic son, then I should be that for others as well. It also made me not overly concerned with anything negative someone might say to me. People don't understand my circumstances and their negative comments don't control my life. It became easier for me to ignore negative comments and brush them off. Now I am not saying it takes a shift in your entire world to be confident or recognize the wonderful person you are, this is just what happened for me.
What helped me next was watching the documentary Embrace. If you have not watched this movie yet, please do. I would love to share it with as many of you as possible. Let me know and I would love to set up a screening of it for as many of you that would love to watch it. This movie was eye opening. Taryn Brumfitt is incredible as well as all of the amazing women that are in this film. It made me look into the way society views women, their bodies and society's ideal of beauty. It also made me aware of how I look at myself and how I want my daughter to view herself. Please check out all of the information about the Body Image Movement https://bodyimagemovement.com/.
I thought about all the wonderful things I have done and am capable of. I looked inside myself and found the things I love about who I am as a person. I asked myself what do I love about me. I am strong, caring, kind, loving and understanding. I am loyal, trustworthy and smart. These are the things that make me who I am. Start there. What do you love about who you are as a person? Because all of you are incredible people. Remember that who you are, what you think and what you are capable of is not defined by what you look like. This is not something we think about often because society tends to focus on what women look like as if that is the most important thing about them which I think is completely ridiculous. Once you recognize yourself for the person that you are, it makes it so much easier to recognize the beauty on the outside as well. Think about the things your body is capable of. Think about the love you share just by using your body. Think about the things you do each day using your body. Think about the way you can accomplish your dreams, you care for your children, your significant other, the things you do everyday using your body. How can anything that can do so much be anything other than beautiful and wonderful?
Every woman is different, looks different because we are all incredibly unique and that in itself is wonderful. Look at yourself in the mirror and think about all of those things that make you who you are. Think about the way that you show that, you might be amazed by what you see. Start with one thing that you love about your body. Find the one thing that makes you feel good about yourself. I have always loved my hair so I started with that. Then I slowly started to look at the rest of my body and focused on why and how I have used it. Once I recognized what my body could do, I focused on how amazing that is. It makes it so much easier to stand in the mirror and look at myself to see the person I am and want to make myself stand out and be proud of who I am.
The hardest part is getting beyond all of the negative thoughts that happen inside your head. The truth is that we are always our harshest critics. It is so much easier to focus on the things that we failed at during the day than the amazing things we accomplished. It is easier to look in the mirror and see all the negatives. Once that negative voice pops up in my head, I immediately recognize it and freeze. When it started if I looked in the mirror, I walked away to focus on something else because that negative voice is never going to help me. It doesn't change who I am at my core, it just makes me feel crappy about myself. So, I stop what I am doing and do something that I love. I personally love music and dancing. I turn music up super loud and dance in the car, around the house, in a chair and sing the song at the top of my lungs. It makes everything a little better in my world. It helps when my kids join in my happiness and dance with me around the house. Find something that you enjoy, that takes you out of your head. Find something that makes you feel joy and happiness and do that until that voice disappears. Make sure to recognize what it is, that you are realizing you are being unfair to yourself and that it is not helping you.
As I said, this a lot of work. It is not overnight. It takes time and understanding. I still work at it. I remind myself who I am, what I am capable of and why that means I deserve as much love as I give.
Please remember that you are all incredible. Let me know if you would like to discuss any of this further or if you would like to watch the Embrace Documentary with me. I would love to hear what you love about who you are as a person and if you need any help knowing what that is I will happily remind you.
Until next time, I will just continue on this Journey of an everyday mom building my confidence and recognizing the awesomeness that is me :)...
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