Some of the Frustrations of an Everyday Mom

Being a parent is the hardest job in the entire world. Constantly worrying, second-guessing your decisions and trying to teach your child everything they need to know is difficult to say the least. You aren't always appreciated but one look, smile, hug or kiss from that child can shift your entire day. I never knew I could love someone as whole heartily or unconditionally as I love my children. They became my entire world from the moment I found out I was pregnant. There are definitely frustrated moments where it feels like I have completely failed at being a parent and then other moments where I know I must have done something incredibly right. It is a roller coaster on a daily basis. 

Every child is different and their needs, strengths, consequences all need to be based on each child, which means there is no one correct way to be a parent. There is no book, blog or opinion that is correct for every child in the entire world. Having an Autistic child adds the difficulties already facing us as parents. Every autistic child is just as different with their needs and triggers. The things I write here are my own personal experiences. One of the great difficulties for Hubby and I with our Bugaboo is that he isn't able to communicate all of his needs to us. For the past couple of weeks he has been behaving in ways that are not normal for him. He is acting out in ways at school that he never did before. He had always thoroughly enjoyed school and transitioned easily from each activity. Unfortunately, we have no idea what has triggered him and he is literally incapable of telling us. There haven't been any changes in his home life. It is so hard, frustrating and saddening when your child needs something and you have no idea what it is. It makes me feel like I am failing my child. I would give anything to make him happy, to make his life easier. I know that he gets frustrated with his inability to communicate. He makes that clear. Hubby and I do everything in our power to help him. We feel that he teaches us humility, strength and courage because our Bugaboo has it in spades. Living a life where you can't communicate fully, where you are affected by overbearing sensations with noise and vibrations, lights and tastes, it has to be extremely difficult. As his mother, I want nothing more than to take every single difficulty away from him. I love him unconditionally and want nothing more than what is best for him. I want to protect him, guide him and be his strength to lean on when things are too difficult for him. I am only human though. Between work and traffic I am out of the house 60 hours a week. There is a limited time everyday for me to give him everything, which then makes me feel guilty for working outside of the home. I struggle with myself about if I am doing the right thing. But those few moments where he will say mommy running to me with the biggest smile and a hug and a kiss make every moment worth it. The times when he says I love you are life altering. I feel the same way about my Doodlebug, her complete joy to be with me, her snuggles and everything she gives to all of us is life altering. 

Life isn't fair or easy. It is a struggle to move past the frustrations and stresses to the happiness we all want. A lot of times it is a choice to let it all go and just enjoy the moments, at least for me it is. Being a parent will continue to be the hardest job of my life but it is also the most rewarding. The love I feel for my children and the love they give in return makes it possible for me to deal with anything else. I will continue to do my best no matter how many mistakes I make, and trust me I will make a lot. It's part of the journey of an everyday mom.

Share with me some of your frustrations as a parent or even just as a human being. Let me know how you feel, how you cope or what makes you happy. Let it all out, I want to know it all. Maybe we could help each other on this journey of life :) Until next time...