Confidence...

I was asked the other day how I have the confidence that I do. This question surprised me for a couple of reasons. One is that for the majority of my adult life, I have not had a lot of confidence. It is not something that has come easy to me at all. Two is that I made the realization myself not long ago that my confidence has gone up a lot and I am pleasantly surprised with how happy I am in my own skin. I know that this is an important conversation for a lot of women to have and I would love to explain it to all of you. It hasn't been easy and it is still a work in progress. I have days where I completely feel insecure, but hey I am only human and no where near perfect. I am going to do my best to explain how I developed this confidence in myself and how I continue to work on it daily.

For me it started with how I looked at the world. When Bugaboo was diagnosed with Autism it shifted the way I view things. I started looking for understanding, kindness and caring. While I have always tried to be the person that smiled at others, said hi and was polite, this shift made it even more important to me. I wanted to show people kindness and I wanted to be an example of this for my children. If I want people to be kind and understanding towards my Autistic son, then I should be that for others as well. It also made me not overly concerned with anything negative someone might say to me. People don't understand my circumstances and their negative comments don't control my life. It became easier for me to ignore negative comments and brush them off. Now I am not saying it takes a shift in your entire world to be confident or recognize the wonderful person you are, this is just what happened for me.

What helped me next was watching the documentary Embrace. If you have not watched this movie yet, please do. I would love to share it with as many of you as possible. Let me know and I would love to set up a screening of it for as many of you that would love to watch it. This movie was eye opening. Taryn Brumfitt is incredible as well as all of the amazing women that are in this film. It made me look into the way society views women, their bodies and society's ideal of beauty. It also made me aware of how I look at myself and how I want my daughter to view herself. Please check out all of the information about the Body Image Movement https://bodyimagemovement.com/.

I thought about all the wonderful things I have done and am capable of. I looked inside myself and found the things I love about who I am as a person. I asked myself what do I love about me. I am strong, caring, kind, loving and understanding. I am loyal, trustworthy and smart. These are the things that make me who I am. Start there. What do you love about who you are as a person? Because all of you are incredible people. Remember that who you are, what you think and what you are capable of is not defined by what you look like. This is not something we think about often because society tends to focus on what women look like as if that is the most important thing about them which I think is completely ridiculous. Once you recognize yourself for the person that you are, it makes it so much easier to recognize the beauty on the outside as well. Think about the things your body is capable of. Think about the love you share just by using your body. Think about the things you do each day using your body. Think about the way you can accomplish your dreams, you care for your children, your significant other, the things you do everyday using your body. How can anything that can do so much be anything other than beautiful and wonderful?

Every woman is different, looks different because we are all incredibly unique and that in itself is wonderful. Look at yourself in the mirror and think about all of those things that make you who you are. Think about the way that you show that, you might be amazed by what you see. Start with one thing that you love about your body. Find the one thing that makes you feel good about yourself. I have always loved my hair so I started with that. Then I slowly started to look at the rest of my body and focused on why and how I have used it. Once I recognized what my body could do, I focused on how amazing that is. It makes it so much easier to stand in the mirror and look at myself to see the person I am and want to make myself stand out and be proud of who I am.

The hardest part is getting beyond all of the negative thoughts that happen inside your head. The truth is that we are always our harshest critics. It is so much easier to focus on the things that we failed at during the day than the amazing things we accomplished. It is easier to look in the mirror and see all the negatives. Once that negative voice pops up in my head, I immediately recognize it and freeze. When it started if I looked in the mirror, I walked away to focus on something else because that negative voice is never going to help me. It doesn't change who I am at my core, it just makes me feel crappy about myself. So, I stop what I am doing and do something that I love. I personally love music and dancing. I turn music up super loud and dance in the car, around the house, in a chair and sing the song at the top of my lungs. It makes everything a little better in my world. It helps when my kids join in my happiness and dance with me around the house. Find something that you enjoy, that takes you out of your head. Find something that makes you feel joy and happiness and do that until that voice disappears. Make sure to recognize what it is, that you are realizing you are being unfair to yourself and that it is not helping you.

As I said, this a lot of work. It is not overnight. It takes time and understanding. I still work at it. I remind myself who I am, what I am capable of and why that means I deserve as much love as I give.

Please remember that you are all incredible. Let me know if you would like to discuss any of this further or if you would like to watch the Embrace Documentary with me. I would love to hear what you love about who you are as a person and if you need any help knowing what that is I will happily remind you.

Until next time, I will just continue on this Journey of an everyday mom building my confidence and recognizing the awesomeness that is me :)...

Life is crazy...

I know I have been slacking on here, but I figured I would let you in on what has been going on with us lately. Before the end of the school year, there were some issues that Hubby and I were dealing with in regards to schooling for Bugaboo. This meant we had a lot of meetings and discussions, with teachers, assistant principals, school psychologists, program specialists and our representative at the Inland Regional Center. Although I won't go into specifics as to regards of the issues, we have been able to adjust Bugaboo's IEP as needed to hopefully help with the transition into a new school (our home school). This took quite a bit of time, as I said meetings and discussions between Hubby and I to come to the conclusion of what we felt was best for Bugaboo.

Then Hubby and I each had some dental procedures that took us out of commission for a couple of days each. This was not fun for either of us (quite painful to be honest) but it helped us with teaching our kids to take better care of their teeth so that is a plus I guess.

Doodlebug had her first ever dance recital. There were dance pictures, practices and us helping her at home to remember her dance. It was rounding success, she loved being on the stage, having us and several other family members in the audience, the flowers and lunch afterwards. She can't wait to do it again. Her new class starts tomorrow in fact. And she is super excited about being a ballerina for Halloween (she didn't really have a choice because frankly that costume was too expensive to use only once!).

My computer was broken for a couple of weeks. Finally Hubby was able to completely wipe the hard drive and fix it for me. I now have a completely ready to go laptop, which is one of the main reasons I wasn't on here. Have you ever tried to type up a blog post on a phone; not so easy, at least for me!

I do have some very exciting news though. I have become an official Body Image Movement Global Ambassador. This is a big deal for me and I can't wait to share all of the things I have been researching, all the wonderful messages I've read and seen and all the ways I've been privy to helping love your body. I am looking forward to sharing all of this with you.

So what has been going on in your lives...Feel free to share with me the craziness of your lives!!! Until next time, I am going to enjoy this crazy journey of an everyday mom...

April is Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month

April is Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month, although having an autistic child in our home means that everyday is autism awareness and acceptance day to us. As a person with an autistic child and as one who didn't realize a quarter of what I wish I knew before his diagnosis, I am thrilled with the idea of more knowledge being out about Autism. Although info is being spread about Autism, the most important thing to be spread is acceptance of autistic people. I have personally witnessed my son being bullied, yelled at or talked to in ways that breaks my heart and people struggle to explain why or how he is different from other people. Knowledge is power and so the spread of knowledge about Autism is a good thing in my opinion as long as it is truthful and accurate information. So in the spirit of spreading awareness and acceptance below is some information about Autism.

Trying to define Autism is difficult because there is such a wide variety of symptoms and every person with Autism is unique. However I will do my best. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a developmental disorder that is brain based which is often characterized by social-communication challenges and restricted repetitive behaviors, activities or interests (http://autismsciencefoundation.org/what-is-autism/). It is important to know that Autism can affect any gender, race or socio-economic group.

The cause of Autism is still unknown although most studies have pointed to a genetic cause. Vaccines do NOT cause Autism. The idea that vaccines cause Autism has been disproven several times throughout multiple studies (http://autismsciencefoundation.org/what-is-autism/autism-and-vaccines/ you can read several of these studies here).

There is NO cure for Autism. An Autistic person will be Autistic for the rest of their lives. They can still have fulfilling lives with jobs, independence and relationships. Things maybe more difficult for them but it does not stop them from having wonderful lives.

Thank you for taking a few minutes to learn something new. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you for having an open mind.

There is a lot of information out there, please take the time to read, learn and embrace any questions/information you may want to learn about. If there is something you want to know from me please feel free to ask.

Until next time, I am going to continue on this journey of an everyday mom...

The requests of a mother of an autistic child...

My son is Autistic. He was diagnosed in September of 2015. He is kind, loving and wonderful. This is my Bugaboo...

Once he was diagnosed, Hubby and I have done our best to research as much as we can on Autism because we really didn't have a clue. I definitely do not understand nor know everything there is to know about Autism particularly because every autistic person is different. There are a few things that I do know for instance I know my son, but could never understand the struggles he deals with or how it feels to be autistic. I do know that I hate labels, generalizations and people thinking that he should be or act neurotypical. There are several things that bother me, particularly when it comes to a lack of knowledge or understanding from general society. I get frustrated when people stare, gawk or give dirty looks if my son has a meltdown, stims or can't control his volume level in a social situation. I get frustrated when other children yell at, bully or tell me he isn't listening or stupid, even more so when their parents are there and refuse to get involved. I really dislike parenting advice from a person who has never raised an autistic child, been involved in their care on a daily basis or thinks they know my child better than I do. I hate when people are dismissive of his diagnosis or of him in general because of his diagnosis. I hate when people tell me that they hope he gets "better" as if there is a cure or he will magically not be autistic one day.

Now I know that is quite a rant and I am sorry for that. I am aware that I cannot expect people to magically understand something, especially when it doesn't typically affect their every day life. I also know that as his mother I am quite defensive and can be vocal, but being the parent of an autistic child means that I am his advocate and sometimes quite literally his voice. So as a mother of an autistic child I would like to make a few requests if that is alright with you.

1. If you don't understand please ask. I would rather explain things to a hundred people than have one that treats an autistic person poorly. I have seen some awesome and informative videos from You Tube Channel Ask an Autistic you can check out these videos here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9Bk0GbW8xgvTgQlheNG5uw She is great about giving information from the perspective of an autistic person.

2. Be open minded and accepting of differences. I have taken a look at the world and seen judgement and hate for any difference. I try to teach my children to be accepting of people and treat them with dignity and respect no matter their differences, I can only hope that people can do the same for my children.

3. Don't allow your children to bully. My family has been in several social situations in which children have been mean, cruel or rude to my children, both of them. I have seen parents completely disregard this behavior and wave it off. We tend to remove our children from these situations. If our children behave in this way we immediately react and discipline. We do not tolerate this kind of behavior because we know what it feels like for our children to be on the receiving end.

4. Please understand the difference between a temper tantrum and an autistic meltdown. My son has had a few meltdowns in public and the responses we have gotten have been ridiculous. Someone once told my husband that if he knew how to treat our child this never would have happened. It is crazy to me that some people have the audacity. Here is great information on an autistic meltdown: http://patienttalk.org/what-are-autistic-meltdowns-a-brilliant-explanation-from-amythest-schaber-in-ask-an-autistic/ Now don't get me wrong, he is definitely capable of throwing a temper tantrum but it is definitely not the same.

5. Please understand that social situations, loud noises and even eating can overwhelm my autistic son. He might cover his ears, stim or cling to us. He might not seem like he is listening or in his own world but he is trying to deal with overwhelming sensations running through his mind. He is extremely sensitive to food and will therefore only eat certain things. Please don't be offended if we don't come to a social event because he might not be up to it.

6. Please don't try to force neurotypical ideals onto him. He is different, his brain is different and it is unfair to expect him not to be. He is polite, kind, loving and gives the best hugs/snuggles. He is amazing just the way he is.

7. Please understand that Hubby and I see the world differently now. We have so much patience, deal with doctors, speech therapists, IEP meetings, teachers, OT therapists, insurance and other agencies constantly. So if we have no more patience, are short or seem frustrated it is because of all the things we are facing. But none of this compares to all of the things Bugaboo deals with trying to fit in a neurotypical world.

If your still with me thanks so much for reading, trying to understand and willing to be open minded. Thank you for your support. If you have questions about anything please feel free to ask. Thank you for letting me rant a little. Our Bugaboo has been going through a rough transition at school and has been burnt out with all of the testing, therapies and changes he has been dealt with. Our Doodlebug has been a little frustrated and upset lately.Sorry for being a little MIA. Our kids come first and they have needed us quite a bit lately.

It might be a crazy, unexpected and tiring journey, but I will spend everyday loving it and my family. So until next time, I will just keep pushing through this journey of an everyday mom...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Have you ever had an epiphany, something extremely personal, but you felt the need to share and weren't sure how it would be received? I've had one of those and I want to share it with you all. I've recently been able to truly accept myself moving past what people think of me and a friend of mine told me she wished she could be more like me. It made me think about how I was able to do this and why. Pretty much every woman I know wants to change something about themselves and are pretty much incapable of accepting a compliment without saying but... So I felt the desire to share with you my story.

I'm a big girl, have always had large boobs, a large butt and thighs. I have considered myself pretty but not a hottie. I have always been extremely shy so I don't talk much, engage or go out of my shell. I am socially awkward so I've never been good at going out and making new friends. I have always been hardest on myself, expecting as close to perfection as I could get. I spent, up until 18 years old, hours in a dance studio a day. I love to dance. It is a passion of mine. It is so freeing, a place where I could always get out of my head and just lose myself in the music. When I went to college, I didn't have the best experience with people in the dance department and so I stopped dancing and I miss it horribly. I gained a lot of weight. I met my hubby and he spent months getting to know me. We both gained a lot of weight through the years but that was ok because it was together and we were secure with each other. I yo-yo'd with weight after I had my kids, lost quite a bit and then gained it back. I have always been hard on myself, feeling uncomfortable in my skin. Hating how I gave up dance, how I loved food and how this has all affected the way I look. I really hated the way I looked, even refusing to look in a mirror for the most part. I went from a size 7 to looking like this on my wedding day...

I remember crying in the dressing room of the bridal salon when no one was around because I felt completely horrible about myself, I felt disgusting and huge. I was not happy with myself at all. But then things in my life changed which caused me to change...My son was diagnosed with Autism and my husband was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes all within a month of each other.

After Bugaboo was diagnosed with Autism, I did a lot of self reflection because frankly it felt like everything I knew shifted. I had new priorities, new outlook and a new point of view. I viewed the world differently. I viewed people differently. My children and my husband have been and continue to be my number one priority in life, but the way I looked at everything else completely changed. I literally became his voice, his advocate and pushed to have my kids see the beauty of the world. Then with Hubby's diagnosis, it made us realize how short life could be. I looked at the world and saw judgement, people buried in their phones, people not even able to recognize someone else as a human being. I want my kids to see the beauty of people from the inside, to have kind hearts, to care and realize the important things. I want my children to realize that their worth as people has nothing to do with how they look. How in the hell could I do that when all I thought about were the things that I was unhappy with about myself and put my value on my appearance? So I made a change...

I recognized my value as a human being. I am, for the most part, kind hearted, understanding, giving and loving. I am smart and work hard. I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I could be. I think less about what I am going to say and just say it, which made me realize I am a lot funnier than I ever realized. I sing at the top of my lungs and dance in the car specifically in traffic (people stare all the time but I just smile and wave because frankly I am having a hell of a lot more fun than they are). I eat healthier because it is better for my health and for my husband's diagnosis but we splurge and enjoy our food without worrying about calories or intake constantly. I look at my body, realize the beauty in it and accept the things that I cannot change. I will always have a pooch from giving birth and boobs that sag from breast feeding but frankly I nourished the lives of two children with my body and that in itself is beautiful to me. My body is comforting to my children which is wonderful to me. My children and husband tell me I'm beautiful and I believe them because they see me for exactly who I am. I got rid of my harsh criticisms, if I noticed I was beating myself up about something, I quickly changed the thoughts in my head to something else or cranked up the radio to quiet my brain. I refuse to step on a scale because frankly the number doesn't matter to me. I want to be healthier for my health alone and be around for a long time for my children. I wear bright clothes with incredible patterns and don't care if I stand out. I am enjoying life and am so much happier. It is incredible and a better example for my children.  This is what today looks and feels like...

I encourage my children's joy, their imagination and their intelligence. I make sure they know I love them unconditionally. I enjoy time with my husband and laugh with him constantly. I make sure he knows that I love him. I love this life and all of my experiences in it.

I recently watched a documentary that really resonated with me and with this issue in my mind...I would recommend this movie to every woman. To see these women, hear their stories and think about my daughter's future, it touched me. It also pushed me to share. I want everyone to love themselves and do what makes them happy. Check it out and tell me what you think.

So if you stayed with me to the end, I know it was a long one, tell me something you love about yourself. What makes you happy? It is different for everyone, and I push you to find the joy in life. If anyone wants a movie night to check out this documentary let me know. Tell me something good about yourself, your day, your life. You are all incredible, I know it so if you can't see it just ask me and I will tell you! Until next time I will just keep enjoying this crazy and incredible Journey of an everyday mom...

A Belle Birthday...

This past weekend my Doodlebug turned 4 years old and her birthday party was a pretty good success. I let her pick her theme this year and Doodlebug decided that she wanted a Beauty and the Beast themed birthday party which I was thrilled with because Belle happens to be my favorite princess. I had grand themes of handmade banners and cut outs put everywhere and elaborate decor. My pinterest board was bursting with all of these incredible ideas until the weather had to ruin all of my grand plans. There was a huge storm coming in just for the party. So not only did that change the decor but I also needed to come up with a contingency plan for the kids activities that were rain friendly. So here is what I came up with...

First decor, I figured that with the new live action version of Beauty and the Beast coming out there would be lots of things to work with. Yeah, not so much they are waiting until after the release of the movie which means there was nothing with just Belle anywhere... SO, we worked with yellow and red. Yellow tablecothes with red square plates and red napkins. We bought a 10 ft by 20 ft party tent with sides and everything (an amazing deal we found for $60.00). We got yellow and red balloons to go inside the tent. But with the rain, we decided to forgo the banners and any other paper goods because they would most likely get ruined.

Second the food, we had two menus going on, one for the kiddos and one for the adults. For the kiddos we had chicken nuggets, mini corn dogs, grapes, apple slices, chips and pb&j sandwiches on hawaiin rolls. For the adults we had cracked chicken sandwiches, jalapeno poppers, pigs in a blanket, phillo dough cups with brie and raspberry habenero jam, relish tray and chips. Then for dessert we had the amazing cake that my mother made. I mean check out this picture...

She was completely thrilled with her cake and it tasted delicious too, the bottom layer was chocolate cake with marshmallow fluff filling and the top layer was vanilla cake with raspberry cream filling. The kids all loved it.

Third, the activities, since there was a storm coming, I decided to do crafts galore. I put out tons of stuff. Coloring pages, stickers, construction paper, pom poms, pipe cleaners, glitter, hats, tiaras, scissors, glue, googly eyes, popsicle sticks, glitter glue...It was a table full of fun for these kids. They all loved it. I don't know if you can tell from the picture all of the stuff on the table...

We also made our own playdough. The kids helped me do it and they had tons of fun. I got the recipe here: http://www.the36thavenue.com/kool-aid-playdough-recipe/

My mom also made sugar cookies and the kids got to decorate them with frosting and sprinkles. I did make sure to put in the note for the party that the activities would be messy :) I think I was a bigger mess than the kids though...

Overall, a very successful party in which the kids had a blast, especially my birthday girl. She was definitely happy and worn out by the end of the day. She is a very excited 4 year old. Happy Birthday Doodlebug!!! I love you!

Until next time, I am just enjoying this very tiring journey of an every day mom...

M.I.A.

Sorry for being M.I.A. the last couple of weeks. There has been quite a bit going on in our house.

So, first off my Bugaboo started a new program at a new school. We are very lucky in the area that we live that there are many specialized programs for kids with Autism. So at the beginning of the school year Bugaboo was in a moderate/severe autism based class that was non-diploma based curriculum. His teacher and the aides noticed extreme progress on his end and suggested that he be tested again for placement. So they did and they found that he should be moved up to a mild/moderate class that is diploma based curriculum meaning that he would be getting the same information of a general education class just in a smaller class, with more visual cues and in a format more suited to the needs of an autistic child. So we have had meetings with teachers, program specialists, IEP meetings and school tours. He started his new school on February 6th. If any of you have any questions about what any of that means just let me know and I will happily provide more info...

Now at the beginning of the school year, our little doodlebug was not ready for school. However, she is definitely ready now, so we found a preschool based program at the community center and signed her up. So she started her first preschool experience on Feb 7th. Trying to find the right program and signing her up, meeting her teacher, all took some time too.

Work has been completely crazy. We had an unbelievable number of jobs come in the last couple of weeks and being the person who does contract review, purchasing for all material, creating the travelers and handles all shipping duties, certs and reception, vendor meetings and any other need of my manager or president...well I've just been exhausted by the end of the night every night.

Hubby has been super busy with new duties at work, handling the kids at home all week and the adjustments that have needed to be made with the changes in everybody's schedule.

The hubby and also managed a minor remodel in the house as well. We changed things up in our downstairs bathroom the top is the now and bottom is the before...

We stained the cabinet, changed the faucet and light fixture, repurposed the mirror and towel rack and put in a new medicine cabinet and painted the walls. It took an entire week but we got it done and we really like the way it turned out. We did it in a pretty good budget too.

My doodlebug's birthday is coming up so I will be posting all about planning the party (which I've been doing while being M.I.A. too). So what have you all been up to these last couple weeks? Would love to hear about your lives.
Until next time I will just continue to enjoy this crazy busy journey of an everyday mom.